Breaking Free

No eggshells

This isn't Only Fans

This is a video of a woman who hasn’t had an uninterrupted shower, without pressure to be quick, without being yelled at or berated in thirty-three years.

No parent telling me to hurry up or that I am draining the hot water tank.

No husband banging on the door screaming, “How much fucking longer?!”

No children are barging into the bathroom, peeking their heads into the shower, asking me when it is their turn to play video games.

No doorbell ringing.

No job to get to.

No appointment.

No destination.

No pressure…

…. except the waters’.

I have never known relaxation; I have lived on eggshells with a deep pit of intimidation within.

Rod Maldaner and I discussed at length the reality of my body shutting down as it came out of the survival mode of thirty-three years. We didn't know when it would occur, two days after take-off, a week or near the end but we planned for it.

It took six days.

Two nights ago, my body broke through the walls of expectation, responsibility and requirement. It broke through the walls of insecurity and demand.

For the first time in my life, I felt light and confident in myself. The shackles of the world releasing.

I sleep in without pressure. I stay up late with laughter. I permit myself to say yes and no without judgment.

I make my own choices with a boyfriend who is unwaveringly supportive.

There is no fear of holes being punched in the walls missing my head by millimetres, no terrifying demand to raped or all hell will break loose.

I make love because I desire someone without payment-mandated.

I stood under this shower for 45 minutes and let it wash me, feeling every drop and letting the past go.

I’m ready for the next book in my story to be written, void of abuse, fear and eggshells.

This isn't Only Fans.

This is a woman healing.