Call It What It Is: Coercive Control

This isn’t miscommunication. This isn’t “high conflict.” This is ongoing abuse and it hides behind emails, court orders, and insurance paperwork.

Four years ago, I reported my abuser to the RCMP. Four years later, this is still what I get in my inbox.

I reached out to ask for a signature, that’s it, so our son could access orthodontic treatment that his insurance covers. The treatment plan has been laid out. The cost? Significant. But his benefits would cover up to $3000, cutting my monthly costs by over $100.

As a single mom, that help would make a real difference. But instead of acting like a father, he sent me this, a disgusting, dehumanizing, misogynistic email filled with insults, sexual shaming, mockery, and outright emotional abuse.

Let me be crystal clear: this is ongoing abuse. This is how abusers continue to assert control long after you leave. Through money. Through access. Through threats. Through sick, twisted words.

He refuses to follow the court-ordered parenting agreement. He refuses to contribute unless it gives him leverage or power. And when asked to do the bare minimum, just sign a paper for his child's health care, he lashes out with this kind of filth. Because the idea of me being stable, happy, or in control of my own life enrages him.

This isn’t about the kids. This is about punishment.

This is about a man who can't stand the fact that I survived him, and now uses every excuse to degrade me, delay support, and deny basic responsibilities to his own children just to make a point.

And still… I’m expected to stay calm. To play nice. To keep trying “for the kids.”
Still, there are people who will ask why I’m “difficult” or “uncooperative.”

So the next time you feel like judging a single mother, pause and consider this:
Behind closed doors, many of us are still fighting monsters we left years ago.

We are tired. We are burned out and not because we’re weak, but because we are carrying it all, while dodging bullets like this behind the scenes.